Jokes from HMA.

Classified Auto Ad “Translator”

Must sell—Before it blows up

Runs fine—I was going to say “runs excellent” but I had a last minute attack if conscience

Needs some body work—Was side-swiped by a Winnebago

Well maintained—I occasionally change the oil

Looks like new—Just don’t try to drive it away

All original—I never had anything fixed, adjusted or replaced

Loaded with options—Each one more troublesome than the last

Never smoked in—Unfortunately, that’s the best thing I can say about it

Project car—I can’t figure out how to finish it and I doubt you will either

Lots of potential—To drive you insane

Needs minor repair—Doesn’t run

Engine quiet—Uses 90 weight oil

Rough condition—Too bad to lie about

Immaculate—Recently washed

Needs minor overhaul—Needs engine

Needs major overhaul—Phone the junkyard

Burn no oil—It all leaks out

Rebuilt engine—Cleaned the spark plugs

Drive it anywhere—I live on a hill

Drive it anywhere—Within 10 miles

Desirable classic—No one wants it

Rare classic—No one wanted it when it was new

Stored 20 years—In a farmer’s field

Ran when stored—Won’t start

Solid as a rock—Rusted solid

Restored with 0 miles—Won’t start

Restored with 2 miles—Won’t stay running

Older restoration—First owner washed it

Good investment—Can’t be worth much

95% complete—Other 5% doesn’t exist

Good transportation—It’s ugly as sin

Excellent gas mileage—It’s slow

Low mileage—The odometer was turned back

One owner—Can’t give it away

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