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How To Indentify The Driver's Home.
Classified Auto Ad "Translator"
15 Ways to Distinquish a Company Car
Van Gogh came from quite a large family and most of us don’t know anything about the others. Just in case someone asks you about the others, sometime, this may help you.
His dizzy aunt……….Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes…………..Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at the convenience store ……..Stop n Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia……..U Gogh
The cousin from Illinois………..Chi-ca Gogh
His Mexican cousin…………..A Mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin’s half-brother……Grin Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach…….Wells-Far Gogh
The constipated uncle……….Cant Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt……..Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle…….Fla-min Gogh
His nephew psychoanalyst………..E Gogh
The fruit loving cousin………Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking………Way-to Gogh
The little bouncy nephew……….Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco……….,Go Gogh
And………
His neice who travels the country in a van (you guessed !)………….. Winnie Bay Gogh
And there ya Gogh!
..One hand on wheel, one hand on horn:
New York
..One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston
..One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator with gun on lap: L A California
..Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on the brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in L A California
..Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in the back seat: Italy
..One hand on wheel, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle
..One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating both feet on brake & accelerator, throwing a Mc Donalds bag out the window:
Texas city male
..One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show hair, both feet on the accelerator & brake, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother-of-pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment: Texas city female
..Both hands on the steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking her rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another’s car: Colorado
..One hand on the wheel, a “gesture” out the window: Chicago
Must sell—Before it blows up
Runs fine—I was going to say “runs excellent” but I had a last minute attack if conscience
Needs some body work—Was side-swiped by a Winnebago
Well maintained—I occasionally change the oil
Looks like new—Just don’t try to drive it away
All original—I never had anything fixed, adjusted or replaced
Loaded with options—Each one more troublesome than the last
Never smoked in—Unfortunately, that’s the best thing I can say about it
Project car—I can’t figure out how to finish it and I doubt you will either
Lots of potential—To drive you insane
Needs minor repair—Doesn’t run
Engine quiet—Uses 90 weight oil
Rough condition—Too bad to lie about
Immaculate—Recently washed
Needs minor overhaul—Needs engine
Needs major overhaul—Phone the junkyard
Burn no oil—It all leaks out
Rebuilt engine—Cleaned the spark plugs
Drive it anywhere—I live on a hill
Drive it anywhere—Within 10 miles
Desirable classic—No one wants it
Rare classic—No one wanted it when it was new
Stored 20 years—In a farmer’s field
Ran when stored—Won’t start
Solid as a rock—Rusted solid
Restored with 0 miles—Won’t start
Restored with 2 miles—Won’t stay running
Older restoration—First owner washed it
Good investment—Can’t be worth much
95% complete—Other 5% doesn’t exist
Good transportation—It’s ugly as sin
Excellent gas mileage—It’s slow
Low mileage—The odometer was turned back
One owner—Can’t give it away
A first grade teacher had 25 students in her class and she presented each child the first half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.
It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading these, keep in mind that these are 6 year olds, because the last one is a classic!
P.S. Give us a joke we use and we will give you a gift certificate!
HMA reserves the right not to be responsible if you do not find this joke funny, or if you heard it before and didn't like it the first time you heard it.
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